I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
