My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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