I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
