my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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