I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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