Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
