I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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