I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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