Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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