my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
