haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
