So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize