definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
