I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
