the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
