Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We got so high we made milksteak
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize