Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
