I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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