OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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