Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
