So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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