I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
