She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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