She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hippo gnu deer
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize