i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
