At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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