He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
