so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
