My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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