My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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