i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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