come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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