I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
