Jerry, you need to find god
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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