Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
