i don't like sucking hair
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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