Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
