my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
