I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk is not a location!
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