omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
