im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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