We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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