Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
