Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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