I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
