This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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