i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
