she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
