Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
