I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize