Moan for me like Helen Keller
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
