I need help removing her.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
