I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
North Korea, Best Korea!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
