I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize