I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
