i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
