did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
