dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
