can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
