I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
