The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
