WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
