if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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