He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
