new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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