JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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