So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We need to get me chipped asap
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
